Her story...

My last real update detailed the lovely antics of our little one in-utero. Was it a sign of something to come? Maybe? Maybe not.

2/5-2/6
Saturday and Sunday I felt some pretty intense pressure. That certainly was cause for concern since her dramatic deceleration in heartrate the day before. The strange thing was the pressure wasn't coming from down low, but rather on my sides. I thought for a moment she might be lying transverse (across the belly, head near the left horn of my uterus and feet/butt on the lower right), but had she really moved THAT much? I mean, this little one was a mover for certain, and the possibility was there.

2/7
Early Monday I spoke with my peri and he said he wouldn't be by to do the cervical length ultrasound until Tuesday night. He also planned to do a growth scan to make sure she was still on track in terms of development. I sent a text back to him, joking (kinda'), "Great...thanks again for everything. I'll do my best to stay pregnant another day!"

Little did I know staying pregnant would be harder than I thought.

Throughout the day on Monday I had some random cramps, not much that would make any normal preggo even flinch, but they definitely made me wonder if some uterine irritability was popping up.

Monday's night's monitoring session showed no contractions at all...some little bumps here and there that we had all chalked up to baby movement since my stay began at the end of January. In hindsight, those little blips just might have been uterine irritability/preterm labor all along.

2/8...
Tuesday morning's monitoring session was the a little more interesting...three good contractions within 40 minutes...3 good contractions that showed up clear as day on the tracing, but that I did NOT feel at all...a lovely genetic gift given to me by my mom, contractions you DON'T feel. Instead of taking me off the monitor at 6:40am, they said they would keep me on it until my OB came by. I did not know at the time that he was in fact called to come by ASAP by my nurses. Within 10 minutes he was there and the internal exam was NOT good. While the baby's weight was no longer pressing on my cervix, a little elbow or hand/arm was lodged inside of it, attempting to protrude through the cerclage. AND, I was dilated to 1cm, the bag of water and little body part buldging below the stitch.

He looked at me and said, "I think it's time my dear." Instantly the tears came and as hard as I tried to fight them back, they still streamed down my face. I begged him for another day, for more time for the baby, but he said, "You've done a great job. We've given the baby the steroids. You've given this baby 2 more weeks of growth inside. It will be fine, I promise you."

Still, I was terrified of the unknown. Frantically I called my husband (thankfully I had told him the night before to turn the ringer up which is usually OFF). I barely squeaked out, "You need to get here now. It's time." And what did my husband do? He hung up on me. I'm sure I sent him into a panic, first by waking him with a phone call and second by telling him we were having the baby. I called back and told him he needed to be there within the hour. Mind you, it's 7:00am, rush hour traffic, and we live 40 minutes from the hospital withOUT traffic. All of the antepartum/postparum nurses that had been caring for me during my stay assured me by the time the baby was actually delivered it would be an hour or more. They all knew that there was a good possibility that he wouldn't make it in time, but in trying to keep me calm they left that little detail out. At 7:25, he called saying the girls were taken care of and he was leaving the house.

For the next hour or so, I was being prepped. The NICU was alerted to the arrival of a 30 weeker within the hour and when NICU staff found out it was me, two of the night nurses came to see me in pre-op. When they found out Robert was en route, both decided to stay with me until he arrived. They had just come off their long 12 hour shift and still, they stayed by my side. I cannot say how much that meant to me and I'm not quite sure how I will ever really thank them for that. I also sent a frantic text to my dear friend Devon, fellow preemie mom and St. Jo's hospital regular...I knew she'd be able to talk me down from the roof. We had met in an online fertility community and then were brought closer together when by some amazing twist of fate, we both ended up pregnant at the same time...both delivering very early...at the SAME hospital...just weeks apart. I have no doubt God had his hands in that one...none whatsoever.

Thankfully, Devon was working that day...just across the street. She offered to come stay with me until Robert came and I wholeheartedly accepted...even saying that if he didn't make it, she would be his stand-in.

The anesthesiologist came in next and we reviewed my history of anesthesia, specifically spinal anesthesia and my horrible reactions to it. We came up with a plan that involved not including Morphine in the spinal, but rather giving it to me afterwards via a PSA, personal pump. He also gave me various anti-nausea medications before, during, and after delivery and over the next 24 hours.

It was now 8:25am and time for them to take me to the OR.

And Robert...was still not there. About 10 minutes away, he had decided to get off the freeway which was bumper to bumper, and take surface streets.

Devon went to get scrubbed in and suited up, just in case.

The spinal was painful...nothing like the one I didn't feel with the girls...but fairly smooth. My OB walked in the room and said, "Dad is here getting ready. Let's get started."

I think I exhaled for the first time at that moment.

The NICU team came in and said their hellos and again, it was so nice to have familiar faces around me. Just as my OB was beginning the c-section, Robert walked through the doors and of course, the tears came again.

A short minute or so later, at 8:54am, our little girl was born. Unlike her 27 week sisters, she did NOT come out crying or breathing. I kept asking if she was ok and no one seemed to answer. Robert just said they were working on her. Again I found myself holding my breath, waiting for something...anything. A very LONG minute later, I could hear her little cries from beneath the oxygen resuscitation bag.

And again, the tears came flooding.

The delivery of placenta, cleaning out of the uterus, replacement of body parts, and closing me up were nothing short of torture. Ah, the joys of a c-section. With the girls' it was a breeze. This time without Morphine on board, while not in pain per se, the pressure was overwhelming and left me cringing and writhing throughout the process. My OB also let us know it was in fact her elbow that was lodged in my cervix, which at the time of delivery had dilated to 3cm WITH the cerclage still in, and the stitch was now embedded in the tissue of my cervix. It most definitely was her time to come, as hard as that was, and still is, to accept.

Recovery was okay...not so great. I managed to have an untimely panic attack within the first 30 minutes, with horrible chest pains, shortness of breath, and overall discomfort. The pain was becoming unmanageable as well as we waited for the Morphine pump to be sent up from pharmacy. After a few hours and a steady flow of Morphine, I was feeling much better and was sent up to postpartum...once again, without a baby by my side.  It was the one thing I had longed for, hoped for, and prayed for in this pregnancy...over and over and over again.

But I guess it was not to be.

Little Alle came into this world, just as He had planned. She was the gift we had prayed for and with her came...

...a first trimester wrought with complications,

...a completely normal, uneventful, and quite enjoyable second trimester,

...a third trimester that would last just a few short weeks and one that would be spent mostly in the hospital on strict bedrest,

...a rather sudden and dramatic delivery,

...and the experience of having a preemie,

...all over again.

In the years to come, we will see what else this little one brings to our family, but we can undeniably say she has made our family complete. To look at that sweet little face and think that she was almost taken from us so early on is just unimaginable. I have no doubt in my mind that her story is, and will continue to be, an amazing one.

Our third blessing, our third miracle, our little Allessandra Hope...