To say the last two and a half months have been a whirlwind, would be an understatement. I know I left the blog with a rather straight up, welcome to my head, kinda' post.
And haven't been back since.
Truly, I don't even know where to start. There is just. so. much.
Shortly after the last post, Robert's dad was diagnosed with lung/thoracic cancer...something that we never really expected. He had been complaining of pain for almost 10 months and it simply was misdiagnosed.
Simply.
I won't go into specifics, but while the cancer was spreading, he was being treated for pulled muscles, strains, this -itis and that -itis. No one
ever suspected this.
The time from his diagnosis to his death was little over a month...so very short. Thankfully, it was summer...a time when the family simply has more time and things are more flexible. Everyone was able to spend time with him, the family able to gather, the grandkids able to spend hours with Papa.
At the end of July, we knew the end was near and on the night of July 25 as we were leaving, Mia said to me at the door, "Mommy, we need to sing Papa the angel song so he won't be afraid."
Kinda' takes your breath away.
So we went back into Papa's bedroom and the girls sang "All Night, All Day" to him.
All night, all day,
Angels watching over me my Lord.
All night, all day,
Angels watching over me.
The girls kissed him...though at this point he was no longer able to communicate or respond. Just shy of midnight that night, the angels came for Papa and he went home to be with the Lord.
Just like that...in the blink of an eye, Papa was gone.
And we all learned what dying gracefully was like. The girls learned about heaven, about the fragility of life and the finality of death.
Even now the girls are still processing Papa's death. He is a part of all of our days...we talk about him when we are drawing, as he finds his way into most pictures...we talk about him when the girls are brushing teeth or washing hands (a few thousand times a day) standing on the many stools he made for them...we talk about him when we say our meal prayers and pray "Papa's favorite prayer"...and when we lay our heads down at night and I sing "You are my Sunshine" to the girls...a song that Papa also sang to them. The girls remind me daily that Papa is in heaven with Jesus, but that he also is in our hearts.
I know that losing him at such a young age, they may not remember him...and that hurts. My first real memories are when I am 4 and 5...the girls were just shy of 4, so they may have fleeting little images of him one day, but I know they will not truly remember him and all he meant to them. So we talk about him a lot, show pictures, and I hope that by doing this, he WILL indeed remain in their hearts always.
We love and miss you so very much Papa...
