It's a day that fills me with such joy and gratitude, yet also a great sense of humility and even sadness.
I have a difficult time enjoying this day to it's fullest...mostly because I have too many dear friends for whom this day is tainted, painful, and even bittersweet.
These amazing women, are women who...
...long for children each and every day, yet the possibility of that happening seems so remote, so hopeless.
...are missing one, two, and even more, little faces at the dinner table and find themselves caught in the in-betweens...so incredibly grateful for the children in their arms, yet in the very same breath are grieving for the children they have lost.
It just seems so hard to celebrate fully a day that excludes some women by no fault of their own and leaves other women toggling between happiness and grief, moment after moment.
I suppose it's hitting home a little harder than usual because the last five months have taken us on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and we've been so quickly thrust back into the face of infertiity. Yes...we've been trying for Little Lewis #3, medical team in tow. Two seemingly perfect, but physically and emotionally difficult cycles over 5 months...and nothing. Of course, we are going to keep trying, but I'm beginning to see now, even more so than before, what miracles my two little girls really are. I just hate that the one thing that should be so natural and so easy...is so difficult and seems so impossible right now.
And while I know it's not impossible...it just feels that way.
So as this day comes to an end, you can be certain I will give my girls just one more kiss good-night and a whispered "I love you" in their little ears.
Juliana and Mia,
I love you more than you will ever know....you are a dream come true, an answered prayer...
living, breathing, beautiful, little miracles...
Thank you God, for giving me the gift of my girls...the gift of motherhood.
