Hello

I was 19 weeks, 2 days pregnant when I felt the first definitive "hello" from my girls.

And this time, when I expected it to be weeks from now, the first unmistakable thump (followed by a somersault) came yesterday at...

...19 weeks, 2 days.

Kinda' neat, huh?

And with the thump and the roll, came a kick or two...and this morning that oh-so-familiar feeling of little feet kicking mommy's cervix...which was the girls' favorite pastime while in-utero. What I am feeling is certainly either very low or very high, so I can kinda' picture this big ol' pillow in-between (my placenta) since I just am not feeling anything in that middle area.

So now I feel this little one...for certain. But does it make this whole pregnancy real finally? Maybe a little more than before, but still, it's something that I have to remind myself of at times.

If I'm wearing Robert's shirt and my slouchy yoga pants...no one would really know by looking at me and maybe that's why I so often don't realize it myself until I am wearing real clothes, going somewhere, and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and say,

16 weeks

19 weeks

"Oh yah, I AM pregnant."

All in all, it's been a rough week though. I've had all kinds of irritability which started about a week ago Friday, and just never quite let up. I wavered on going in to see my OB, when on Wednesday, I was slammed with food poisoning or a 24-hour stomach bug. Let me tell you...THAT is not fun when pregnant...oh no. After becoming pretty dehydrated, I thought it might be time to make the call. The nurse on the phone was concerned that I couldn't keep water down and thought I might need hospitalization, but by the time I made it to the office and saw the doctor, I had held down water for about 3 hours. I felt better...heck, I even drove myself to the doctor. The appointment was quick, baby doing fine, and it was pretty clear that I needed some meds. My urine was peach/pink colored (which was from dehydration and trace amounts of blood...again). This time my OB put me on a fairly strong antibiotic to make sure we get rid of anything lurking. Another urine culture was sent out and some other samples taken. NICE. I am feeling better, but also like I did the mega abdominal workout. The irritability has died down, but it's still not completely quiet and that bothers me. I am trying to do some things around the house and clearly my uterus is not having it. So the couch it is for me.

I'm supposed to wait until December 2nd to see my peri for a cervical check, but I'm leaning toward popping in to see him next Wednesday just because of all that has happened in the last week. I want to know if any damage has been done, so to speak.

So here we stand at 19.5 weeks....with 20 weeks right around the corner. I can't quite believe we're almost to our third milestone and am so happy. But in the same breath, I am terrified of the next four weeks. I told my peri already that I fully intend on being extremely high maintenance for the next month or so. I then promised that after 27 weeks (God willing we make it past that mark), I won't bother him until the baby comes. :)

And thankfully, he just smiled and said, "For you, anything."

18 and change

I just looked at my post queue and there lie three started (but not quite finished) posts. I have a lot going on in my head, but none of it is coming out right...so for now, the thoughts sit there waiting to be completed.

I can however post an update on Baby Lewis...those are facts, concrete, and easy to share.

Our appointment on Thursday at 18wk1d went, well, fabulous. It was the "big ultrasound" as it is known in pregnancy circles--the one where the perinatalogist looks very closely at the anatomy of the baby, the workings of the placenta and umbilical cord, the levels of amniotic fluid, and of course, the length of the cervix.

On top of all that, we met with the genetic counselor prior to the ultrasound so she could give me the "advanced maternal age" talk and the calculated risks of having a child with certain genetic issues per our histories and ahem, um, my advanced age.

Doesn't it sound just a little like I'm special? Maybe even accelerated? Gifted?

After all, I am advanced, you know.

The talk went very well and based on our medical histories, the baby is looking at some pretty good ratios. My age knocks that down a teeny bit, but really...that's all. The GC made some good recommendations to us based on our family medical histories, primarily that I have a chromosomal work up (mostly because I never have had one done) and second, that I consider being assessed for cardiovascular issues due to the history of rampant heart disease on my dad's side of the family (no offense, Dad). Both good ideas and ones I plan to pursue after this little one is safely here.

The ultrasound then went great. The baby's anatomy is right on track with no soft or hard markers found for anything. Amniotic fluid levels are more than adequate; the umbilical cord is doing it's job and has the three necessary blood vessels; the placenta is nice and squishy and looks great as well.

And drum roll please...

...my cervix is still looking STELLAR (for me, anyway). Two weeks ago it measured 3.76cm and last Thursday it measured 3.8cm...which was the middle of 3 measurements he took...3.6, 3.8, 4.15. I told him not to "give" my cervix any help or credit where it is not due, but he said that the 3.8cm measurement looked the best in terms of angles. Which means it has not budged in two weeks.

Amen.

But now we enter the dreaded IC zone...18-24 weeks is the time when things can get crazy with cervical insufficiency. I won't have it measured for another 3 weeks, when I'll be 21wk1d...so praying that things will continue to be stable over the next couple weeks.

Pretty please?


We did find out that I have an anterior placenta, which means it is located on the front side of the uterus (basically behind my belly button). Typically it is located on the posterior wall (back of uterus), but my peri assured me an anterior placenta is completely normal and poses no risk to the baby. After all, it's a 50/50 shot of where the baby will implant. This one picked the front, which explains why I am not feeling much in terms of taps, kicks, punches, and rolls. With the girls, their placentas were posterior, so I felt all kinds of good things from them...all.the.time.

With this baby, I may not feel anything significant for some time since the placenta is acting like a big shock absorber and taking all the blows. Eventually the baby will get big enough to kick around the placenta (above or below it) and strong enough to where I will feel him/her even when s/he is kicking the placenta. I will admit, it made me a little sad to hear that my placenta is anterior because I was so looking forward to baby movement again. It's the most unreal, amazing feeling and I hope that I am able to feel a little something at some point.

As far as how I am feeling...well, mostly good with a little bit of icky mixed in. The last couple days have been a little crampy, with some throbbing, pulling, and just soreness. I think it's another grow spurt because I felt like this a few weeks ago before my belly popped. I also have been REALLY bad about my water intake and I know I really need to get with the program on it. Overall, I have good days and bad days and the good ones typically outweigh the bad. But it doesn't take much for me to realize that good appointment or not, I am still the human ticking time bomb. The bad days are definite reminders that I am NOT a normal pregnant woman and I can NOT do the things that they do. Period.

I have a prentatal appointment with my OB this Friday and that will be good because it's been a rough couple of days and some reassurance that all is well would be nice.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner...and marks 20wk1d for me. Another big milestone I am hoping to reach and fly by without issue. After that...24 weeks and viability. I think December and all of the holiday preparations will be a good distraction since I will be in the uber-scary zone of IC and not-quite to viability during most of the month.

Mostly, I am hoping and praying to make it to Christmas, when I will be 24wk3d, still at home...still not on complete bedrest. That is the BIG goal. Probably my biggest one.

And now to get crackin' on those three abandoned posts...

Walking the Fine Line

It's where I find myself teetering of late.

Sitting here at 17 weeks pregnant, I am finally looking pregnant and am even feeling random little taps and rolls that are most likely this little one making his/her presence known.

Yet I don't feel pregnant...at all.

We use the doppler from time to time and I hear this amazing little heartbeat and even refer adoringly to this little one as "he."

Yet I find myself strangely detached and disconnected from the little life growing within.

After quite the wild ride during the first trimester, things have really settled down and well, I'm guessing this is what being a normal pregnant woman feels like physically.

Yet I am certainly NOT a normal pregnant woman and feel more like this ticking time bomb with a countdown clock hidden somewhere deep inside...wondering if it reads 7 weeks or 17 weeks remaining.

And the most difficult thing to cope with of all...is being so hopeful and optimistic...that things are really going to turn out okay...maybe even far better than I could ever imagine.

Yet I find myself captured by moments of fear. Though fleeting, they do come and swallow me whole. But thankfully, I am able to pull myself together rather quickly.

And maybe that is why things are so different this time. I fear...but only momentarily. There is a peace to everything somehow--knowing that nothing will change the story that has been woven for the Littlest Lewis. We made it through the unimaginable and there has to be something in that...there has to be. But in the end, what will be...

...will simply be.

Still, there is a hope and daily prayers that what it is that will be...is a sweet, little, healthy baby landing safely in our arms.*

*But not until at LEAST 32 weeks...okay???