Lullaby

Tonight, I was brought back to the girls' NICU days...brought back in an instant, like it was last week. In the beginning of November 2006, Josh Groban released a new album. My mom had a copy for me on release day (of course) and I listened to it driving to and from St. Jo's. At the time, I was incredibly down, very frustrated, and often overwhelmed, thinking and feeling like the girls were never going to come home. They were miserable at feeding at what should have been 37 weeks for them. Most babies born early get the whole feeding thing between 34-36 weeks, but NO...not my girls. They had no clue and each feeding session would result in alarms galore, sputtering, gagging, choking, not breathing, babies turning blue, red...and then, each of them being so exhausted from all of the drama that we would have to stop and gavage the remainder of the feed (through a feeding tube), which was pretty much the whole darn thing. Sigh. 

Day after day, night after night, the routine was the same. A particular song on Josh's new album spoke to me...revealed my feelings as a mother saying good-bye to her children each and every night, with such simplicity and such truth. I heard that song again tonight on a PBS special and wanted to share it with you all. I have added it to my Playlist (scroll to the bottom of my blog) and you can click on it to hear it (if it isn't playing right now). It is such a beautiful song. I think I had it memorized in a couple days (not hard to do when you hear it umpteen times in a row, on repeat, while sitting in traffic). Well, I began singing that song to my girls when I held them for hours on end, rocking in that light denim cushioned glider, by their crib in the NICU. Two and a half years later, I still sing this very song to them when I put them down to bed. 

I look forward to one day sharing with them the incredible meaning behind this song and how it pulled me through those last few weeks in the NICU, when I had truly given up hope. While I pray they do not have to endure leaving their children ever, I do hope that songs like this one will offer them a glimpse of the incredible journey that brought them into our lives and then brought them home to us, our two miracle girls.

Lullaby

Hush now baby don't you cry

Rest your wings my butterfly

Peace will come to you in time

And I will sing this lullaby

Know though I must leave my child

That I would stay here by your side

And if you wake before I'm gone

Remember this sweet lullaby

And oh, through darkness, don't you ever stop believing

With love alone, with love you will find your way

My love

The world has turned the day to dark

I leave this night with heavy heart

When I return to dry your eyes

I will sing this lullaby

Yes I will sing this lullaby

~Josh Groban