Resurfacing, excuses, and the plan...

Yes, I'm coming up for air. It's only taken me the better part of 2 months, but I'm doing it...finally.

Does that mean everything has settled down around here? Oh no...it just simply means someone has the twins, Lil Miss is sleeping, I have pumped, and am still awake...shocking, I know.

The last two months have been filled with a LOT of stuff. When looking at my post queue on Blogger, there are several posts that have been started, only to never be reopened again. That's what happens when you try to compose something while pumping. I always have had good intentions with posting and keeping everyone apprised of the goings on around here. But then those darn feel good-and-relaxed hormones, oxytocin and prolactin, are released and put me right to sleep. Add to that an already extremely sleep deprived person and well my friends, you have a recipe for blogging disaster.

So there's my excuse and here's the plan. I simply MUST finish the blog posts I have started...how can I not mark her homecoming, her due date, some of our first outings, her return to the hospital, and my first Mother's Day with my three little girls? The posts will be there, eventually, I promise. Just be sure to back track from time to time and check!

Treading

It's kinda' how we feel right now...like we are treading water, just barely keeping our heads above the surface. To say we are "tired" is a bit of an understatement and doesn't really quite tap into just how sleep deprived we both are. 

And we don't even have Allessandra home with us.

But still, we are on a newborn schedule. I am pumping breastmilk every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Considering it takes about 5 minutes to set up, 40 minutes to pump, then 5 minutes to clean up, it doesn't leave much time until we do it all over again. Add to that Robert's work schedule. Add to THAT, twice daily trips to and from Burbank for two 3+ hour visits. Add to THAT, juggling the girls. Trust me, it's exhausting. I know it's perfect preparation for Alle's eventual homecoming...but honestly, I really think it will be so much easier to just have her here and not 35 miles away.

As for our lil miss, Alle is doing fabulous...mostly. She is gaining weight like a champ and is now 5 pounds, 4 ounces (which was MY birth weight. It's hard to believe I came home at a super light 5 pounds after a 1 week NICU stay). Alle had been making BIG daily gains and then slowed down a bit this past weekend, gaining 10-15 grams a night, then staying the same weight for two days. On Tuesday morning, the nurse informed me that she suddenly gained a whopping 175 grams...um, that's like SIX ounees, IN ONE DAY! Something seemed off and to her nurse, Alle looked a little "puffy" in her legs, feet, and toes. I had noticed the same "puffiness" in her fingers (of all places) the day before, but didn't think much of it. In fact, I remember thinking how strange it was that her fingers looked so much like Mia's (long and skinny) and then suddenly overnight they were like Juliana's (short and not so skinny)...in a matter of a day. Turns out she had retained some fluid and yesterday, the doctor ordered 2 doses of a diuretic to help her pee off the excess.

As of this afternoon, she had done just that, and still managed to gain an ounce overnight. Her weight gain is certainly non-issue at this point and they will most likely  discontinue the use of the high calorie formula to fortify my breastmilk. Up until now Alle has received 3 parts breastmilk to 1 part formula for each feed and she will now receive 100% mommy's milk. 

She is still nippling twice a day, but we are seeing definite progress as she has typically taken 3/4 of her bottles in the last few days. In fact, today lil miss actually finished the WHOLE bottle, all 53cc, in under 20 minutes! It wasn't graceful mind you, and full of alarms in the beginning, and desats throughout, but she did it. Congratulations my dear Allessandra, mommy will now buy you a car seat since the prospect of a homecoming is becoming more and more real!

So in the next few weeks, we have tons to do, yet the obstacles to getting everything finished still lie in the way. Sadly, the only real way to tackle any of it is to not travel to the hospital to see her...and that is so hard to just not do. While we know Alle is under the best of care, it still tugs at our heartstrings to know she is away from us, all day, every day. It's been this way for 31 days now and I'm sure we have many more. 

Praying Allessandra comes home to us soon...

Status quo

Here we are, status quo, just kinda' doing the same ol', same ol' day after day. And while the monotony lacks much in the way of excitement, it sure does feel good for a change to not have the daily worries we did with the girls.

The only thing that really changes is Allessandra's weight...and it's going UP! She is now 4 pounds, 10 ounces and gaining each and every day. Her feeds are up to 47cc (a little over 1.5 ounces) over 30 minutes, every 3 hours. She is still having all her feeds via gavage, but we will attempt nippling from a bottle again tomorrow at 34wk3d (attempt #3 that is) and hopefully she will do well enough to be nippling once a day after that.

She is also becoming a quite mobile baby. With only the feeding tube (which is disconnected between feeds), two leeds (heartrate and respiratory rate), and her oxygen saturation sensor, she is fairly easy to disconnect, swaddle, and hold/walk with. It's not something WE are doing, traipsing around the NICU with our little girl, but something the nurses like to do with her. We think she likes it too. There is nothing more satisfying than walking in to scrub up and be startled when you turn around and the nurse has her all bundled up to say hi. A mobile baby, is a stable baby, a healthy baby. LOVE that.

As for this mama, I haven't seen my sweet girl for two days now. TWO days people. TWO. I managed to wake up with a lovely little cold bug Thursday morning and I 'm trying my darndest to just get well. Robert has been visiting at night, but mommy is strangely absent. After being will her each and every day for 223 days...hearing my voice, my heartbeat...I am suddenly gone. It hurts me to think about it and I sure hope she doesn't feel abandoned in any way. I know that's a bit extreme, but to be suddenly disconnected like this...hurts. I am making sure to send my fresh pumped breastmilk for her feeds so that she benefits from my antibodies to this lttle bug because I am sure I exposed her to it in the days leading up to Thursday. Nice mommy.

We are praying that Alle continues to do well and figures out this whole suck-swallow-breathe sequence...soon. She's got the "suck" part, but then just sits there with the milk in her mouth, holding her breath, trying to figure out what the heck to do with it. Once she swallows, she then has to catch her breath because she held it for so long. AND the vicious cycle starts all over again.

Here's hoping for a good bottlefeed report tomorrow!