The time has come...

Ah yes, the time has come. Today I was admitted to the hospital, most likely for the duration of the pregnancy with a teensy, eensy, weensy chance I might be able to go home on strict bedrest. But folks, the chance is REALLY slim.

At 28 weeks, last Thursday to be exact, I had a day of tons of irritability and about 3-4 contractions an hour. It eventually eased up, but it was a it unnerving. I spoke with my doctor that evening and if things didn't settle down, I was to head to the hospital, but if they DID, I was to come in to see him first thing in the morning. The next morning I went in and the appointment went well. All checked out okay (no ultrasound) and I was sent home with a prescription for a tocolytic medication to stop contractions...to take "as needed." Thankfully, I filled the prescription and haven't needed it.

And still don't, but.....

Today I had a cervix check...no ultrasound of the baby, just my cervix. Oh, my lovely DYNAMIC cervix. Well, if it was dynamic last time, today it was nothing short of a show stopper. Literally.

Let me explain this ultrasound. The left of the picture shows the babies head. Yes, baby is head down now which explains some increased pressure and why when I looked in the mirror yesterday I suddenly had a space between my belly and boobs that hasn't been there for a few weeks.

To the right of the head is a black area which is amniotic fluid and the bright white outline that is sitting so nicely in that large funnel is my bag of waters, membranes, sac, whatever you want to call it. Continue to the right and you will see a dark line with bright white at he top and bottom...that is the cerclage or the stitch and the bright white little lines are the knots. That is what is reinforcing my jacked up cervix and keeping it closed...for now. Continue to the right further and the cervix ends where the area becomes a little lighter in color.

I wish I had a picture of the first ultrasound and actually, I'll have to text my peri to email me a picture of it for comparison. When he initially measured my cervix today, it was measuring 3.37cm (up from last time) and there was NO funnel. Where the black area juts majorly in and to the right creating that V...it was NOT there. It was a straight, well slightly curved line near the baby's head. That is what a NORMAL cervix looks like...if it stays like that.

Just as he was gushing at how great it looked, he applied fundal pressure to mimic a contraction (pushing on my belly) and we watched the monitor as that curve became increasingly V shaped and kept getting larger and larger and larger as my cervix got shorter and shorter and shorter. It seemed to stop...right at the stitch. He said there was only about 5mm from the end of the funnel to the stitch.

Five millimeters people. That's NOTHING. From the stitch to the external os or opening, there is about 1.5cm. But the long and short of it (no pun intended), is that the stitch is holding my cervix together and keeping this baby in.

PERIOD.

My peri then looked defeated, disappointed, and concerned. Flashback to the first time we saw him for this pregnancy and things looked so dire...that I would have to take medications to induce the miscarriage of two babies and possibly lose my uterus to save my own life.

Trying to lighten the mood, he joked with my husband, "I guess I might owe you that coffee Robert." And of course, my husband started telling him how he likes it. You see, they have had a bet this whole pregnancy as to just how far I'd make it. My peri said all the way, my husband said, 30 weeks.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, honey.

My peri then recommended, oh so casually, too, that I head to the hospital to receive the steroid shots just in case I were to deliver soon. He called my OB and had me stop there first and my OB confirmed via internal manual exam that I needed to go to the hospital. He could feel the pressure of the baby's head sitting right on the cerclage/stitch.

So here we are. I am settled into a nice Labor and Delivery suite for the time being. I received the first of two betamethasone steroid shots at noon and another will be given to me at noon Friday. Each shot takes 24 hours to "do its thing"...help mature the baby's lungs. So after 48 hours, we have given this baby the most protection we can provide if she or he were to be delivered within the next week. The effects or benefits of the steroids do wane over time. In years past, doctors would give high-risk patients like me the shots every 2 weeks until delivery, but research demonstrated that could have serious long term effects...so that practice is not generally adhered to anymore.

I will also have an fFN test done tomorrow after the second steroid shot. This test helps predict the chance of preterm delivery within the next two weeks. There is some question as to whether or not it will give us any more information or alter the precautions already being taken, but they are going to do it anyway.

The good thing is I am not having any contractions...some irritability, but not contractions. That means no meds for those just yet. Right now I just have to stay horizontal to keep the weight off my cervix...get these shots on board...and pray.

The first night in the hospital is always the hardest (sad that I've done this enough to know). We are in a much better place this time around in terms of gestation.

And knowing how amazing my girls are...my 27 weekers...it does put my mind at ease...a little bit.


Still, it's hard to not feel the sense of failure...yet again. Trying to push those thoughts aside, but mommy guilt is ruthless.


Praying, praying, praying...


...that Baby Lewis continues to do well...


...that we are able to receive both shots and give them the time they need to work...


...that my dynamic cervix calms down a bit and stabilizes...


...that the contractions do not come...


...that my membranes do not rupture...


...that the fFN test is negative...


...that we can give this baby the gift of time (3 more weeks to be exact)...


...that Robert is able to hold down the fort at home...


...that my girls will adjust to mommy not being home...


...that they will rest well tonight, despite knowing how hard it is on them all...




Please God, give us more time...